What Are You Doing With Your Life?

What Are You Doing With Your Life?

What are you called to do? It's one of the toughest questions a man must ask himself. It cuts to the core of not only what you believe about yourself, but also what you're going to do about it. Gary Barkalow, founder of The Noble Heart ministry and author of It's Your Call, has been asking that question for years. His pursuit of an answer, in the context of doing men's ministry, has produced some unexpected and revealing answers that he told us about when we caught up with him last week.

New Man: This is a question a lot of people have tried to answer over the years. Why did you want to take it on?

Gary Barkalow: This is a topic that I am fascinated by. I've been fascinated by this since college. I've been studying it for years and years. I've never gotten a degree in it; I've just always pursued it throughout my life because I am fascinated by it.

The idea is that it's a universal question. Everyone wants to know, "Why am I here, really?" Regardless of your age, race, politics or religion, this is a question of the heart.

It's also a great way to get into a conversation with someone. Everyone wants to know the answer, whether they admit it or not. Many people either ignore it or just give you a quick, simple answer; but everyone wants the real answer.

New Man: Why is this something men think about but don't want to talk about?

Barkalow: I think the reason is, they have been taught or come to the conclusion that calling has something to do with a job or a position. There's a calling to go into law, a medical profession or the military. There's a calling to be a pastor, missionary or evangelist. It's all those terms we've used over the years that put so much significance in that role—and now we're defined by those things. So when men find themselves in a job they don't like, they don't want to deal with the question of calling.

The really good news about calling is that what you are supposed to do is what you most want to do. The core of this idea is found in Philippians 2:13: "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him." If you're looking for your calling, your purpose or God's purpose for your life—or whatever you want to call it—that verse answers it. What you're supposed to do is what you want to do.

If the first question is, "What's your calling," the next is, "Where do you look to find the answer?" A lot of men will look at what their skills and abilities are. They'll take personality tests or spiritual gifts tests. That may seem helpful for a day or two, but the problem is that most men taking those tests are smart, competent people. They can learn or do just about anything. If you're basing your calling on skills, your calling could change at any time.

Instead, we have to go down to our desires. What's on my heart has been there since my youngest age.

I've had guys tell me that figuring out their calling would have been a lot easier five years ago. In this economy, it's much harder to do something financially risky, like starting a new job. I tell them: "Exactly." Your calling has nothing to do with the economy. It cannot be built on your ability to do something.

New Man: So how do guys figure it out?

Barkalow: First, we have to understand that we live in mystery. The reason this is important is that we've grown up in a scientific era. We've come to understand that everything can and should be known. If you don't know something, you haven't done enough research.

But part of life is mystery—I don't care what culture you're part of. The book of Romans says that God's ways are "unsearchable." Everything we know in this life is partial and incomplete.

That should take the pressure off us. People think they have to have everything figured out, but we're never going to figure it all out, so take that weight off your back.

Part of the glorious thing about mystery is that it's God's invitation to intimacy with Him. If God came down and told me exactly what my calling in life was and how to do it, I would just go and do it by myself. Instead, what God does is give us just enough to move forward but not enough to go off alone. He knows we need more direction and He wants that continued connection. As much as you want a perfectly clear answer, you're not going to get it, so don't feel pressure to.

Next, I tell people they need to keep three things in mind when looking for their calling: story, desire and journey.

Story is important because you have to understand that there's something larger going on. We live in a context. A text without a context is a con. Our life is part of a bigger struggle. We have to know what's going on spiritually, what God's up to and where the battle is. If not, we can be conned about our real calling.

We also have to be aware of our desires. In that Philippians verse, it's very clear that our desires come from the Lord. What are the strongest desires of your heart? That's a minefield, but you have to learn how to navigate it.

The third thing is journey. Everyone is on a journey, or a process of development, in their life. It's important to understand that because sometimes God may want you to focus on a different part of the journey. If I'm getting to a place where God doesn't want me to be, it can seem like God is thwarting my progress. Instead, He might be focusing on something else. He might be saying, "I need you to learn perseverance or patience or kindness."

That's the starting point. We have to understand that we don't need to know everything and we have to be alert and oriented to those three things.

New Man: How do we discern desires that come from God versus the desires of our sinful nature?

Barkalow: That's a good question, and it's important to understand. Desire is essential. You have to live in it. Many churches don't teach this because it's dangerous. We have done some really stupid, awful things in the name of desire over the years. But you can't throw it out. A man without desire is like a compass that doesn't point north.

We've got to understand that not all desire comes from a good source. Solomon says in Proverbs 14:15 that "a simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps." You need to be sure you weigh where your desires are coming from. Paul says the desires of the flesh are "evident." We need to keep them evident in our mind. Oswald Chambers said that if you want to figure out if something is of the flesh, play it out to its logical end and see where it goes. That's a great test for whether your desire is from God or the flesh.

Desire can also come from a wounded heart. Things that have happened to us create certain desires. So, for instance, if when I was young I came up with some great ideas and told them to my father and he said they were all stupid, then now I have a desire to prevent that from happening again. I become careful and calculated. Not that that's wrong in and of itself, but if it comes from a place of never wanting to get hurt again, it's not a good desire. We have to live at the center of motivation. We have to ask ourselves, "Why do I want to do this?"

The third "con" desire is from the evil one, Satan. He can inject or whisper certain desires into our hearts. If, all of a sudden, you have desires in your heart that say, "You need to tell this guy off," or "You need to be tougher," or "You need to take control of this," then ask yourself: Where did this desire just come from? We have to be careful; we don't live alone in this world.

These sinful desires are temporary. If you turn away from them, they'll go away. On the other hand, desires that come from a good heart, or the Holy Spirit, are your strongest desires. What are your strongest desires? What are your greatest curiosities? What are your most consistent desires? What have you always been compelled to do?

You need to listen to your heart on these things. You also need to listen to others. There are things about you that you will never discover without the help of others. Some things become so natural to you that you have to have other people tell you what you're passionate about.

The last thing, of course, is to listen to God. There are certain things that only God can tell us. Sometimes wisdom isn't enough. God has to speak to us for us to truly find our way, and He will.

To learn more about Gary Barkalow's ministry, visit www.thenobleheart.com.

This article was taken from:
http://newmanreport.newmanmag.com/2010/10/what-are-you-doing-with-your-life.html